Disconnected.There are places I need to be and I'm the one holding myself back. I get intimidated, nervous and hesitant which causes me to overthink things and make them seem a lot bigger than they are to myself. I believe I'm a strong person, but I'm afraid of taking leaps and bounds. I'll jump as long as I know there's something at the bottom to catch me. How do I know? I don't know. Uncertainty is a bitch.
I'm not angry, just somber.
I'm a little lost?
Some months ago, my mom sent my birth certificate and my real birth certificate. I found out my biological mom's name and that was that. I decided to do a little searching because I was curious and hoping to find something. I found a number and I spent several weeks telling myself I'll call this number. Days and weeks passed and I hadn't called. What would I say? "Do you remember having a child nearly 23 years ago?" More than likely, she wouldn't remember. She left me with an alcoholic and drugged out woman who had a very dysfunctional family. I highly doubt my mother was on the straight and narrow. If that lady was the only person my mom knew, then I think my mom was worse off. So one day, I called without any real plan of what to say and to my relief and disappointment, the number was not in service. Disconnected, I believe.
Disconnected is definitely the key word in my life right now. It makes a lot of sense.
So where do I go from there? I guess if I'm not really willing to spend money to find real results (or inconclusive ones), I should just stop. I'm really not expecting something miraculous to happen but hey, that'd be nice. A little bit light at the end of this tunnel please?
Isolated
Devious Comments
The major thing is that they never will know what they have, because they'll always wish they had something else. Sadly that isn't good for our generation... but we can still learn from their mistakes.
Hope you find what your looking for!
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"Glaciers melting in the dead of night, and the superstar is sucked into the super-masive..."
I can definitely relate to that feeling. Overcoming those personal obstacles (both real and imagined), is a big factor in controlling your life. In general, I think a lot of people are held back by fear and/or laziness in terms of their direction in life. Obviously, fear being the more legitimate of the obstacles but definitely controllable, it's just a matter of confronting your fears. In my experience, I've found that you're far better off taking the risks/leaps than not. As odd as it may sound, failure is the road to success. Life is not a game in the literal sense but it definitely is in the strategic sense, if you're not failing or succeeding at something, you're not in the game. That's my thought on it anyway.
"Disconnected is definitely the key word in my life right now. It makes a lot of sense."
I know I've felt disconnected before and I'm sure many others have as well, so your experience connects you with others (kind of a bright side). I'd say, as long as you keep yourself open to reconnect (with any aspect or goal in your life, including contacting your mother), you'll be back in the mix soon enough.
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Cloxboy's website: [link]
Thanks!
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I'm fuckin' it real.
A rose blooms in the desert.
That's an interesting twist on things. I'm connected while being disconnected. That works! As far as contacting my mother goes, I really don't know how I'm going to go about doing that. I don't know all that much about her..just her name and her age when she had me. It's not much to go on. =/
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I'm fuckin' it real.
A rose blooms in the desert.
Love you man!
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"Glaciers melting in the dead of night, and the superstar is sucked into the super-masive..."
--
I'm fuckin' it real.
A rose blooms in the desert.
--
Cloxboy's website: [link]
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I'm fuckin' it real.
A rose blooms in the desert.
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